He likes me! He really likes me!!!!

Did you hear what a certain spokesperson said that mi Jefe said about me today? "I can tell you that [mi jefe] has confidence in him." With Jefe watching my back, I am not going anywhere!!

He is the best!!

I am Fighting for the Truth!!

Someone asked me if I was going to resign from my job today (I have a really, really cool job in Washington). My response? NO WAY, JOSE!!

To be honest, I thought about just throwing in the towel and returning to Houston, but after I received so many emails of support, I thought. I am staying!!

However, it looks like I am going to push up my "big meeting" that I was planning up. Hay caramba!

Dios Mio!!

Okay, I am starting to get a little nervous. K.S. did not help me much today. I got some splainin' to do. What would you rather be known as, a liar or an ineffective manager?

How did I get here? Here I am, the man who wrote the justification for torture, has more intelligence gathering tools at my disposal than any other AG in history, and I go along with this thing because I am scared of Karl Rove? (Who by the way, made a pendejo of himself at the Broadcast dinner last night.)

I miss Houston. El Jefe, please call me. I need your help.

Fredo??

Some people on the Internets have been referring to me as "Fredo" Gonzal****. I don' t know why, I don't think I look anything like the actor.

A few words for K.S.

UPDATE: OOPS, I just discovered that the two quotes I included below came from Heinrich Himmler and Linda Tripp. Not really the people I should be quoting, but I like the sentiment.

Kyle--I mean K.,

I know you have a big day tomorrow, and a lot of choices to make. I wanted to pass on a few quotes on the important topic of loyalty.

"My Honour is my loyalty"

"Loyalty is to the government. I take this so seriously."

Notes from Chicago

Hola,

Did anyone see me during my press conference in Chicago? I thought I did pretty well. Notice the red tie? (heh heh). For the record, I did not "dash" away to duck questions. An aide signaled me that I had a phone call and I thought it might be from El Jefe. Alas, it wasn't.

No worries, I am sure he will call me tomorrow.


“Unless you can find some sort of loyalty, you cannot find unity and peace in your active living”

Tony Snow

Terrible, terrible news about Tony Snow. Seriously.

On another matter, I hope El Jefe is feeling okay. He hasn't returned any of my calls.

What to wear, what to wear?!?

Okay, I got a big day coming up. I am going to be seen by lots of people. Some of them it seems don't like me. I already got my lucky suit pressed, now comes the all important decision of deciding what neck tie to wear. It is not an easy choice. Neck ties have a special meaning to me.



When my friend the Comandante en Jefe gave me the job, I wore my red Harvard tie to needle him (he is a Yalie). The picture is above. FYI-in order to conceal our identities, I've tried to use the neat program called MS Paint to put those little bars in front of our eyes. I am still trying to get the hang of it.

He kiddingly gave me a hard time and ties became something of a joke between us. A few weeks later when we spoke together again, we called each other the night before and agreed to wear the same tie. How cool is that? This guy is the best boss.

When we spoke together again a few months later, it was my turn. That morning, I had a couple of guys who work for a division of my "company" interview my boss' butler to find out what color neck tie he was going to wear. This is the best part. My guys served him with a National Security Letter, which means if he let my boss in on the joke, we could send him to jail! I love my job.

So anyway, Jefe shows up and there I am wearing the same blue neck tie as he is!. I also wore a fake mustache to give him an extra chuckle. (Neat. I just discovered that you can make those little bars lots of different colors. I'm getting better at it, don't you think?)


For some reason, Jefe hasn't met with me in person in a long time. That is okay. He is an important man and I know he is busy. The ties have become something of a little signal between the two of us. Whenever I see him on TV with a blue tie, I know he is saying to me. "I support you amigo." Whenever I wear a red tie on television, it is my way of saying "Right back at you, Jefe."

The Best Amendment of them All!!

YESS!!! One of my aides just said she would not testify before "you-know-who," invoking her rights under the Fifth Amendment!!! Now THAT's loyalty!! (take notes KS).

I am sick and tired of everyone saying that I am trying to usurp the Bill of Rights. I LOVE the Bill of Rights--especially Numero Cinco!! If I could go back in time, I would tell the Founding Fathers that the Fifth Amendment should have come first. In fact, the Fifth is so cool, and is so important to our fight on terrorism, that I would have made that the ONLY amendment. I mean, all the other ones just get in the way of our fight.




So thanks again to mi amiga MG!!

Top 10 Things I love about the Patriot Act

Hay caramba!! I cannot BELIEVE that the House of Representatives is trying to undo some of the provisions of the Patriot Act. The PA, as we call it, is the most awesome piece of legislation ever passed!!

These are the things I love about it.

1. The top secret version of Google Earth lets me see who on my staff is really “out sick.”
2. I already know what happens in season 4 of Battlestar Galactica.
3. I get a power trip from telling underlings to start profiling for “boxers or briefs”
4. I can now find out way more about old girlfriends than just by using Google.
5. Randomly generating winning lottery pics from people’s social security numbers.
6. Plumbers, contractors, and car dealers NEVER try to rip me off.
7. Making a reservation in the name of “Mr. Gitmo” always gets me the best table.
8. Ted Kennedy’s phone calls can be really hot.
9. Some of those “persons of interest” are actually really interesting.
10. If you don’t like it, it means you are not a patriot.

Babaloo!!

Some people say I look like this guy. I take that as a compliment!!

The real story on the "firing" meeting

This is going to be tougher than I thought. Seems there are stories on the Internets that say that I went to a meeting on the firing of prosecutors even though I testified that I had no idea what was going on. I understand why some people think I got some 'splainin to do.

This is what really a happened. My secretary, Wendy just got engaged, and some people in the office thought it would be fun if we threw her a surprise office party. We had a cake, cards, the whole bit. It was a lot of fun.

However, we needed at a way to get her into the conference room without being suspicious. We wanted it to be a surprise, so we sent around this phony meeting maker thing saying the subject of the meeting was US Prosecutors' positions.

I mean, come on. What do they want? Did they want us to spoil the surprise?

I am so glad the my boss supports me.

Hello everyone on the Internets

Que Paso everyone!! I've been intrigued by blogging since my current boss first mentioned the Internets during a debate. Then my good friend Harriet Miers told me SHE has a blog, and it really helped her during stressful times.

Because I am in the public eye, I need to maintain my anonymity here, so I will just be going by the name of Gonzo Al, which I got during law school at Harvard. No, I am not going to tell you how I got that nickname. Let's just say that I am glad they didn't call any of my old roommates to testify during my confirmation! (ha ha).

Since I am new to the Internets, maybe someone can help me? How do I fix it so my real name does not appear in my profile.

Trust me, I know how tough it is maintain privacy on the Internets. I remember when, as a joke, someone pulled all of the searches that someone I will call Rarl Kove had done on the Google. Wow, we laughed for hours about that. That list of Web sites would make a sailor blush.

Anyhow, I've got a big week ahead of me. I don't really understand what all the fuss is about. It is a pretty straight forward issue.

1. I was given the job of fighting terrorists
2. Republicans are really good at fighting terrorists
3. Ipso facto, if you want to fight terrorists, you will make sure only Republicans work for you.

Do these people not want to fight terrorists???

Adios for now. Talk to you soon. I need to take my lucky suit to the cleaners.