Top 10 Things I love about the Patriot Act

Hay caramba!! I cannot BELIEVE that the House of Representatives is trying to undo some of the provisions of the Patriot Act. The PA, as we call it, is the most awesome piece of legislation ever passed!!

These are the things I love about it.

1. The top secret version of Google Earth lets me see who on my staff is really “out sick.”
2. I already know what happens in season 4 of Battlestar Galactica.
3. I get a power trip from telling underlings to start profiling for “boxers or briefs”
4. I can now find out way more about old girlfriends than just by using Google.
5. Randomly generating winning lottery pics from people’s social security numbers.
6. Plumbers, contractors, and car dealers NEVER try to rip me off.
7. Making a reservation in the name of “Mr. Gitmo” always gets me the best table.
8. Ted Kennedy’s phone calls can be really hot.
9. Some of those “persons of interest” are actually really interesting.
10. If you don’t like it, it means you are not a patriot.